Tuesday, 21 November 2017

In My Alternative Scenarios

In My Alternative Scenario

What if I'm As, was An Acronym?
Not A 'Her', the Reflection of 'Him'

In My Alternative Scenarios,
You would never know the places I go!

If the time you found out, 
was clouded by doubt,
Which process would you have chose, 
to learn of my clothes?

You would much rather act Totally Blind,
to the new route now, my path does wind

Change Your Outlook, 
Playing Ostrich now suits,
better than hearing about my high heel boots,

They can be treacherous Indeed,
When a Nervous Wreck,
Far more likely then, to Break My Neck,

Despite life's teachings, Make Each other Aware,
When on Long Journeys, When we get there

A Voyage to Manchester In the Outside Lane
on my way to discover, “Was I going Insane?”

Had been stuck in traffic, M6's Never Great
Things start to improve, I accelerate

Again I reach 70, Road's suddenly Rough
Tyre Goes BANG, Next Seconds are TOUGH!

A Much Safer Experience had I been Bolder,
To handle the next bit, 
when I head... hard shoulder

The Lorries And Cars felt rather quite near,
but my thoughts were also along way from here

it's often told, how life flashes past you
I was thinking, I will never get to...

Explain to others, my Face in the dirt
Far more concerned, “I am wearing a skirt”

4 days ahead of me, a time to Play Girl
Don't think I will make it, If my Car does now whirl

So I hold the wheel tight, head through the gap
wish I could concentrate, I'm looking at Lap

Are these my final moments? To be Spent This Way
more concerned with “What would they Say?

Next of Kin, are called to my sin
this point the rhyme is imagining

Fading Mind Listens for YOU “What Waste?”
Your Far more concerned with my Clothing taste

You arrive to the scene, It's “Pay Your respects”
the sight that greets you, is not as you expect

Pushing aside, Mind Fog as Police Talk
Telling The Story “Why I'm Lined by the Chalk'

Cold and Still Where I should not be,
First Aid Useless, Clothes Strewn about Me

What if that's the way, Secret was Decode,
Deciphered by my body lying in road?

I miss him now he's gone away”
Why did he never feel he could say”

When You should be grieving, you've increased shock
asking yourself, “Is this a Girl with a Cock”

Sick? Me? A Rhyme to Far?
Yet Almost a True Story of Me in My Car

Thanking Karma, I'm Safe and Sound
Biggest Issues? How I bring You around!

to this day, I laugh, I swear that I changed
Skirt to my trousers as I crossed those 3 lanes

I didn't, I know that, I'm lucky to tell
the story nearly, 'Road to Hell'

I sat and I waited, excuses searched for
should I really need them for Make-Up I wore

Recovery Man Cool, Car on the back
once tyre replaced, soon back on track

And Sparkle Arrived, Safely, I too!
4 Days of Sami, A break from the Stu

Who's life at times is far too stressed
A little relief, When Sami is Dressed

And now your concerned by Judgement and Jibes
Would you prefer you had learned through somebody's bribes?

Conversations on the NET, do reach wide
Screen Captures, make it harder to hide,

“Truly Is Power” Creating Wealth
In the hands of others, not concerned for our Health

Large sums of money, one of us must pay
Or somebody else will 'Out' How I Play

Show You a Picture, It's me in a Dress
How much is it worth, Under Duress?

Would you Pay More to Protect ME, or your own Embarrassment?
Am I expected to compensate for All that you've spent?

Or Alone at HOME, The Music is Blasting
I'm using Make-Up and Clothes, 
A New Me in Casting

A change in Your Schedule, 
“Stu should be In!”
A quick Cup of Tea and Waggle of Chin

Car's on the drive, I better act quick
How will I hide this, Time to Panic

Grabbing the Wipes, Cleaning my Face,
A Blur of Movement, Amazing Pace
I reach the Top of The Wooden Hill,
Take a Deep Breath, A Sudden Chill

Thinking of the Lie,
 to Sell to You
Sorry for delay, 
was just on the loo”

But as I glance down, there where I froze
I look at Toe Nails, A Nice shade of Rose

FUCK, NO, What the HELL!,
Another funny story, if I had someone to tell

Into my room again, eyes do scan
cover my feet with the first thing I can

The Socks on the floor, a really fast fit
Sorry I took so long, Was Havin' A Shit!”

Still giggling to self, I rush once again,
Fly down the stairs, It was that moment when...

I miss, I slip, I'm passing through Air
At least my final moments, we manage to share!

Shame you didn't see it, though you might've been amused
Luckily this time, it just ended in Bruise

Had I been a character on a Popular Soap
Do you think would end like this? How would you Cope?

When the coroner analysis reaches conclusion,
Innocently unaware, But it was because of your Intrusion

How could you've known. It's not really you fault?
But if I didn't have to hide it, there would have been No Assault

Two Scenarios, How it could have been
Lucky for me, Funny Side's Seen

There are Darker Scenarios,
I could have gone there
Building that's Dark, 
Where People Care?

Lend an Ear, Take Your Hand,
A Play in the Darkness, but they Understand
Amongst these Players, Hiding Easy, Evilness
Lust on faces or expressionless,

Most are 'Seekers' Souls that are lost,
Search for acceptance, but what is the cost

I can tell you for some, the price is quite steep,
desperation makes them blind,
 peers would just weep

while for some it's fine, consenting games that they play
there are also many want another way

stronger of people, enjoy Social side,
but some less confident, life starts to slide

just another place where they don't fit in
not really strong enough to just take it on chin

and as loneliness grows, devoid of self-worth
they consider solutions, that end off this earth

And even those stronger capable to deal,
Are in added Danger as they Hide what is Real

So sure, Its Attention I am now seeking
A message for Others, My Heart is Now Speaking

Telling Stories, In My 'Almost' Scenes 
looking back with laughter, 
it could've been Screams

So would you Prefer that I 
Had Kept My Mouth Shut?
Such Likely Scenarios, Much Deeper Cuts!

I am not the only one been living this way, Closet Doors Hide, more than Ever Say

So if you've 'Always Suspected', 'Always Known'
Take YOUR step First, let it be shown

That you care, Your Ready,
 From You they shouldn't hide,
More difficult to do, 
once they're on the other side!

Share This Poem,
with Good Comment do send

We don't know who's reading at the other end

Just show your support for All People as One

If You Save Just One Life

Your Job is Well Done!


Tuesday, 7 November 2017

A Poem to Out

I've heard a rustle,
in the Grapevine,
So I guess it's now,
This is my time,

First I must Assure you,
In this Poetic Way
Ask for understanding
Accept Me, It will be Okay

For I Did Not Maim,
Did not Kill
No Contagious Disease
Just Long Buried Will

No regrets for that beneath,
Curiosities Felt
My life worth the Price
Wearing a Safety Belt

These Loud Expressions
now Circumstance Change,
Do not Conclude,
That I did live in Pain,

I still love dearly,
with those I had reside,
Life's relentless difficulties
caused relationship slide,

One Issue was strong,
Pain Nobody could see
something serious
Was wrong with my knees

Two operations later
Bad news delivered
Damage was permanent
Cartilage Withered

I would not hear this
And I would not see
A less mobile future
lay ahead for me

So I read and researched
looking for the treasure
some useful information
A future to pleasure

One where I
could still partake
Always been Energetic
Make No Mistake

One valuable chapter
I will always hold dear
Came to a close
Another drew near

Physically, Externally
Girl created distance
Alter-Ego, Internally,
Came to existence

The Hidden Curiosity,
Boosted by Estrogen,
A new Kind of Self

I Climb, I Run
I Bounce as I Play
New Soft Tissues
Keep the Old Pains Away

There's No Single Reason
And my Journey's Unique
Doesn't mean I'm Heathen
Because of the Pleasures I seek

The Rules of the Genders
Socially Constructed
Now that I Break Them
Views have erupted

Burning Hot words
Coarse like the rocks
If I did not care for them
Matter? It would Not

The Part that hurts most
They're not thrown from inside
It's a fear of reaction
From Community Outside

From Onlookers, Spectators
Judgemental they say
Yet in twisted loyal fear
They seek to obey

The will of Small-Minded
who would turn just as quick
Opinions based on falsehoods
It's them that is sick

Every person
on earth has the right
to be themselves
through the day and the night

and thousands of others
hidden from sight
await the day
its acceptable and 'right'?

Well its no longer me
I won't wait for that time
I search for my own strength
illustrated in rhyme

Many came before me
Inspired me so
Ahead of a Majority
Leading them so
Freedom's within
so we must grasp
Tolerance for Difference
That's All that I ask

Now My Gender is Fluid
This Can be seen
Know everything about me
Is not what it means

Don't start about sexuality
No reason is there
We're not that intimate
So No reason to share

Gender and Sex Separate
This you should know
If You wasn't aware
Research when you go

I don't force you to join me
In the times that I Play
or make you look
at Contradiction Displayed

but we cant always help
as we choose our attire
decorate exterior
to personal desire

In company I sought
a feminine selection,
I find myself Alone now
Just me, And reflection

And as only myself
Can be Guaranteed
I create a new portrait
with the visuals I need

It sounds like an illness
Of this I'm aware
But the results of the make-up
and clothes that I wear

have created a confidence
Freedom Now Calls
Choice Now my Own
Not Following Rules

Created to keep us
In boxes, It's True
Highlighting Conflicts
Helps Control You

If your accepting I Thank You
And Invite You to Look
A New Page I've Set Up
Here in Facebook

You've the Right to Opt Out
Unfriend Me, Delete
But I do plan to Separate
A Persona' whom speaks

A Place to be me
with Opinion, Poetry
A little Entertainment
with open honesty

For the sake of those close
I ask you to leave
a little something positive
something to relieve

An emoji, short comment
a message that speaks
to others around me
it's not admiration I seek

The concern of my loved ones
for they are clearly legit
in a judgemental world
Where Trolls spew their Shit

If questions you have
sought with respect
I will respond where possible
curiosities I expect

My page I referred to
Is the place to discuss
anything in depth?
Acceptance is must

If really, You can't handle
these changes of New
But enjoyed our web friendship
Timeline is still Stu!

consider those close
Any questions for Me there
in transition around me
please show them due care
Transition is a term
any journey, here to there
do not confuse terms
because genders I share

So I wrap up this Poem
I am clearly Now 'OUT'
Awaiting mixed responses
Sitting in, Venturing Out

BUT, If ever you Listen
If Ever You See...
You'll Notice these Changes
Are a New Improved Me!

Peace Love Respect

Pronouns...Not Name?

Have you heard the Media Confusion,
it's Such Shame
People obsessed with Pronouns,
What about Name?
Creating discomfort
for friends who are Dear,
Pushing Away,
those that were near.
What purpose is served
by these words put in front,
to denote whether your hiding
a dick or a c*nt.
Your are acting like both,
Claiming you're neither,
latest sweat suffered
More PC fever..
Arguments you offer,
Ask to belong,
The way you go about it,
its totally wrong.
If it's paperwork you want,
to legitimise you
Then know it's just assets
it's how they sell you
They Barta with Certificates, 
Countries You represent,
On A Global Economy,
Your existence is spent
Do you really think it is
respect you will gain,
By screaming a pronoun, 
not sharing your name?
He, She, They,
it really matters not,
if a friend who was helping,
now feels they've been shot
Because All of this jargon,
is primarily used,
when your out of earshot,
you assume your abused?
By those that matter?,
I surely think not,
but it's those you relate most to,
you really have got
To win back and show them,
you care for them too,
Whilst you were shouting your mouth off,
it was all about you
If you have a Journey where a non-binary matters,
becareful it's not friends
emotions in tatters
If you grew up with Mark
who knew you as HE, 
Or spent time with Rachel
who will always be She,
Years of such reference,
do not change over night, 
It will have little to do
with your new portrayal to sight.
The pronouns they use
are historically set,
And guilt tastes bitter,
whenever you get
The feeling that you
just disrespected a friend,
So now a clear message
you really must send...
It's all those closest
you are pushing away, 
if around you they feel,
they have to watch what they say
Don't speak up at mistakes,
they usually know
when they make one,
a look quickly does show
They're sorry...they realised
and now they feel down,
they just fucked up briefly,
used the wrong choice of pronoun
But it's only the response, 
Like with Banter or Jest,
that really puts everyone's
nerves to the test
So let it pass quietly
and do not correct,
for practice while bonding
allows for respect
If you feel that your pronoun
should be inbetween,
go back and research
what gender does mean 
Social expectations
to which you should live,
hormones create commonallities
strengths each one gives
It's not that difficult
to see there's another
Argument Mum made,
Who's SHE? Cats Mother
Your claiming you are Unique
Neither end of the norms
Potential to wear any trait
No need for any storms
At any given moment,
offence do not take 
that one particular ingredient 
stood out in this cake
Make-up, Clothing, 
Voice Pitch and Gait,
All play their parts,
in your very own portrait
In everyday life
There is not always time
For you to tell me preference
Then me to give you mine
See when most important,
He, She,They are all void,
unique personal reference
is best to enjoy
Neither Transexual, Transgender
Nor Classified Gay,
They're Two different 'Spectrums', 
Here's what I say 
It's mainly about boxes, 
we are required to tick
but the real way to behave
is quite a good trick
Don't get caught in a web
the Society Net, 
Controlled by Selfish People
who...I would just bet
Will sell you regardless,
to the Devil if needed, 
It's all about Finance,
this advice should be heeded
Words cannot really hurt you
Sticks and Stones can Break Bone
Be a far richer person
Make All Pronouns your Own
If you want to be respected
Treat life more like a game, 
don't allow it to get too serious, 
Just let people, know your name!